Expecting Rain

Where is the cheese hidden?
In the half-light, on the verge of something appalling.

Is that a cheese in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
I'm very pleased to see you, which is why I brought you some cheese, which I will now remove from my pocket.

What do you call a dog with no nose?
Hairy cheese.

A man went to the doctor's. He said, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a slice of cheese.
The doctor said, Ok, hop onto this burger for me.
It turns out that the man was a slice of cheese after all, and it had been a case of successful self-diagnosis later confirmed by a qualified medical professional. And the man/slice of cheese was delicious!

A doctor eating a patient , how weird is that?

Not that weird if you consider that the patient is a slice of cheese, oldmanemu. In fact, it would be rather weird if the doctor didn't enjoy a slice of cheese with his burger. And also, it would probably have hurt the patient's self-esteem to not be consumed.

wait...wait... wait!

Ham-stilton Ricard.

Well worth the wait. I hope Ham the Man is doing well.

A friend of mine is dairy intolerant. He kicked a cheddar in the bollocks.

Where is the secret cheese?
If I tell you, it won't be secret cheese.

if you tell me in a private message, I will not tell anyone else.

Ok, I've told you oldmanemu. But please : the better part of valour is discretion.

I'm sorry. I should have said the feta part of valour is discretion.

Which cheese is a world of adventure?
Cheesington's world of adventure cheese.

Which cheese absorbs radiation?
Safety cheese.

How much cheese can you fit in a mini?
Four cheeses. One balanced on the steering wheel. Three in the glove compartment, by the torch.

How many cheese jokes does it take to
get to the center of a Promethium cheese-flavoured Tootsie Pop?

only 4,824 more!

this must be the most prolific thread in the information section of the forum!

It's certainly one of the top four or five most cheese-centric.

cheese Louise - those are impressive stats!

There was of course a whole cheese thread once, maybe there still is, but living things move and cheese IS in a sense alive. There are Mongolian nomads who ride ponys and carry gourds of sheep milk with them -- the heat and the motion of the pony slowly turns the milk into yoghurt, butter, and finally into cheese which they subsist on. They shape it into discs about the size of a silver dollar which get so hard you have to suck them. Dotted around the plains are temples to Buddah where it is customary to leave tokens - needless to say there is a lot of cheese in these places. It is also customary when meeting strangers to proffer a gift and get one in return - many a tourist has found their Nikon camera magically turned into an inedible disc of cheese after meeting the notorious mongolian cheese riders.

This is all true.

But I prefer really stinky, ideally veined, cheese. I had some so potent I was barred from having it in the house and had to eat it all outside. Pont L'Eveque is good n stinky when ripe.

Some lovely fermented milk info from slimtim and Merry Lllama.

Where does the cheese reside in summer?
In the fridge lakes of Italy.

Is there any cheese on the table?
Some, but some of it has been cheese-eaten.

this thread cheeses me off.

^
Then you should call the pol-cheese. This is a police/cheese hybrid. They may assist. So call the pol-cheese.